ADHD sometimes gets a bad rap because some people see it as excuses for bad performance. Obviously these people don’t fully understand what ADHD is and how it affects all aspects of a person’s life. I often talk to my clients about using ADHD as an explanation rather than an excuse. There are some really important differences between the two:

 

• Excuses let someone off the hook of his obligations because he is seen as simply not capable. As a result, excuses lower the bar of what is expected of him.
• Explanations help the person understand how and why things go badly and, more important, what she can do differently to increase the odds of success.

 

People who use excuses expect most of the change, flexibility, or accommodations to come from others. This is great when you can get away with it, but even the luckiest person will eventually come across someone who isn’t willing to be so forgiving. As I sometimes tell clients, the electric company doesn’t care if you have ADHD – they still want their payments on time.

By contrast, using ADHD as an explanation places most of the onus for improvement on you,   whether it is to directly improve the situation or to make amends afterward. Explanations assume that we can’t easily change the rules for individuals, at least not without paying an unacceptable price. For example, saying,  “I have AHD and therefore can’t be expected to be on time,” probably won’t fly with most employers, friends, and romantic partners. In fact, they may be even angrier about your cavalier attitude than the fact that you were late. Therefore, the better approach is to really work on getting places on time and avoid their anger.

Although no one likes to admit that she blew it or that something is a real weakness, there’s real power in that acceptance. If you expect the world to change for you, it means that you are powerless if other people decide to be sticklers. However, by learning about ADHD and how it affects your ability to get things done, you have the power to do things differently and thereby make things better yourself- a much better situation. By owning up to your weaknesses, you can take active steps ahead of time to minimize their negative effect on your life. This may include not putting yourself into no-win situations. You may not be able to change the fact that you have ADHD, but you can change what you do about it.