ADHD Advice, Adults with ADHD

Monitoring and Self-Regulating Action

Written by KirstineSeptember 7, 2010

Sarah:

I love getting into intense conversations with other people where it’s not just small talk. I love sharing impressions and opinions between people about things that really matter. I think that’s how people get to know each other and learn from one another. Usually it works out well, but sometimes I get too intense and turn other people off when I’m trying to find out what they think and why they think that way. Usually I don’t notice it at the time; I just see that they drop out of the conversation or walk away. My husband says I just don’t know how to keep my eyes open and notice when others are starting to act uptight or bored with what’s being discussed. He says that most of the time I talk too much or ask too many questions without noticing how I am coming across and how others are reacting to what I’m saying. He says that most of the time I’m too much mouth and not enough eyes and ears when I’m in a conversation.

Advice:

Recognizing nonverbal communication is one of the executive functions of the brain, and which is the core problem for the ADHD brain. People with ADHD have problems interpreting the meaning of nonverbal communication. For example, you may be talking too much and do not notice that the person you are talking to is checking her watch or yawning. Because you do not notice this, you continue talking. When someone is talking to you, you should try and notice not only their verbal message but also their nonverbal message. This can take some practice.

Some other persons with ADHD syndrome have different problems with self-monitoring, and controlling their actions in social situations. They tend to be excessively focused on how others are reacting and are excessively self-conscious. They tend to be too constricted, too shy, too inhibited in their social actions. Though these more cautious individuals with ADHD syndrome may long for more reciprocity with others and may have many interesting ideas and feelings to share, they often get so caught up with intently monitoring that they are unable to engage themselves in social interactions.

To actively work on these issues, and to improve your social communication skills, I would work with your personal issues, alongside the following areas:

  • Sending accurate messages
  • Controlling and discussing emotions
  • Being assertive when you need to
  • Listening actively to what others are saying
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ADHD Advice, Children with ADHD

Monitoring and Self-Regulating Action

Written by KirstineAugust 18, 2010

Hans:

My son is six years old, but he usually acts like he is only three or four. When he wants something he just goes for it. He just can’t wait. He almost got hit by a car last summer because he chased a ball out into the street and didn’t even stop to look. In kindergarten last year he was always in trouble because he grabbed toys or crayons away from other kids. When they were supposed to sit on the circle and listen for show and tell, he was always interrupting with his own comments; he had to tell about something he was thinking about. He couldn’t just listen to another kid or even to the teacher. When he was supposed to draw a picture or copy some shapes, he was always in a hurry. If he tried to do what they asked him to draw or write, he did it too fast and it was too messy. This year he is repeating kindergarten, but I’m afraid he won’t be ready for first grade even next year. He just doesn’t seem to be able to slow down enough to listen to the directions or to do anything carefully. He’s way behind other kids his age in self-control.

Advice:

Children with ADHD are capable of appropriate classroom behaviour, but they need structure and clear expectations in order to keep their symptoms in check. As a parent, you can help by developing a behaviour plan for your child – and sticking to it. Whatever type of plan you put in place, create it in close collaboration with your child’s teacher and your child.

Kids with ADHD respond best to specific goals and daily positive reinforcements as well as worthwhile rewards. Yes, you may have to hang a carrot on a stick to get your child to behave better in class. Create plans that incorporate small rewards for small victories and larger rewards for bigger accomplishments.

For ADHD children in kindergarten, it can be a blessing and a curse. With all of the hands on activities available, not to mention short time spent on activities, ( at least in the developmentally appropriate classroom and/ or at the beginning of the school year) children can get up and move, interact, build, sing, read, play, paint, create and listen. Having to sit still and paying attention for longer periods of time can be a torture. However, since the visual, auditory and kinaesthetic stimulation of these children doesn’t diminish just because it is story time or a visitor to the class is sharing a special presentation. Modifying the seatings or creating an alternative plan for those children is imperative.

If you’re interested to in getting parental advice, getting school / home collaboration advice as well as some materials to keep it going – please contact me.

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